Sunday, July 31, 2011
Just say no.
[After discussing the owner of a regional sandwich chain and his (alleged) fondness for the nose candy:]
Mom (sounding a lot like the secretary in Ferris Bueller's Day Off): Where do they get that cocaine?
Dewey: Drug mules.
Mom: Drug mules?
Dewey: Yeah, they come up from South America and they hide the drugs in balloons they shove up their butts.
Mom: Up their butts??
Me: Wow, you don't watch nearly enough Law & Order or Dateline, apparently.
Dewey: Uh-huh, that's how they sneak it around. And then they just hope that the balloons don't pop.
Mom: Oh my god!
Me: And if they get caught, the border patrol or airport security people have to give them body cavity searches.
Mom: Body cavity searches?
Dewey: Yup! They put on a glove, tell 'em to bend over and [mimes a hand going up someone's hinder].
Mom: Oh my god!! Like, right up their butt?
Mom: [pause] Well, I suppose that job pays pretty well.
Me: Being a drug mule? I don't think so...
Dewey: Yeah, I think the drug mules are at the bottom of the food chain.
Mom: No, no -- the people who have to stick their hands up other people's butts. I'll bet that pays good.