Sunday, July 31, 2011

Just say no.

[After discussing the owner of a regional sandwich chain and his (alleged) fondness for the nose candy:]

Mom (sounding a lot like the secretary in Ferris Bueller's Day Off): Where do they get that cocaine?

Dewey: Drug mules.

Mom: Drug mules?

Dewey: Yeah, they come up from South America and they hide the drugs in balloons they shove up their butts.

Mom: Up their butts??

Me: Wow, you don't watch nearly enough Law & Order or Dateline, apparently.

Dewey: Uh-huh, that's how they sneak it around. And then they just hope that the balloons don't pop.

Mom: Oh my god!

Me: And if they get caught, the border patrol or airport security people have to give them body cavity searches.

Mom: Body cavity searches?

Dewey: Yup! They put on a glove, tell 'em to bend over and [mimes a hand going up someone's hinder].

Mom: Oh my god!! Like, right up their butt?

Me: Yeah.

Mom: [pause] Well, I suppose that job pays pretty well.

Me: Being a drug mule? I don't think so...

Dewey: Yeah, I think the drug mules are at the bottom of the food chain.

Mom: No, no -- the people who have to stick their hands up other people's butts. I'll bet that pays good.


Jess said...

Curiosity is killing me - which regional sandwich chain??? Also, your mom? Hilarious.

Mary said...

I misspoke -- apparently, it's not just something that's around here. Whoops! It's slogan is "freaky fast," if that helps. :-)