Thursday, March 31, 2011

I'd like to blame my inner ear problems, but I think it has more to do with a total lack of physical coordination.


Or, a chronological list of things I've fallen off of/down/out of, or been knocked over by in spectacular fashion:
  • walked in front of big brother on the swing set and got kicked in the head, age 1

  • went too close to the dog house and the dog wrapped its chain around my neck, age 2

  • off the arms of a chair and down onto the sharp metal edge of a canister when big brother threw a pillow at me, age 2 (my parents being of the "oh, you don't need stitches for that" school of parenting, I've still got a scar by my eye from that one)

  • down the basement stairs when I tripped on my blankie and rolled head-first into a cement wall, age 3

  • off the deck stairs on my tricycle, age 3

  • while playing in the wading pool, obeyed big brother's command to go change the record on our record player and got electrocuted, age 4

  • shoved into the gym wall in kindergarten, age 6

  • down a hill too fast on my sled and straight into a tree, age 8

  • my next-door neighbor running me over with his bike, age 9

  • off my bike into a bramble of thorn bushes & barbed wire on my first successful ride down my driveway, age 10 (I was a late bloomer with the bike riding - maybe the tricycle-off-the-deck incident and/or getting run over by one had something to do with it)

  • tripped over a curb walking into the homecoming football game, sprained my ankle, and had to call my mom to come pick me up, age 12

  • off my bike (over the handlebars & everything) in my friend Melissa's driveway the day I got my first pair of glasses, age 13

  • down a ski hill into a barbed wire fence on the 8th grade ski trip to Mt. Ashwabay, age 13

  • during a play rehearsal, had a tri-folding wall fall down on top of me, wrapping me up like I was in a wall burrito with only my feet left kicking freely, age 16

  • during yet another play rehearsal, had a moon fall on top of me, age 17

  • and during yet another play rehearsal, had someone drop a box of Milk Duds on my head from the catwalk above the stage and the sharp pointy corner of the box stabbed me in the scalp, age 17

  • off my chair in band class one morning for no discernible reason, age 18

  • down the stairs in Kirby Student Center at UMD one morning during my freshman year while walking to class, age 18 (I shredded the leg of my pants and had to hobble back to my dorm looking like I'd been mauled by a enraged ferret, but dagnabbit, I went to class first!)

  • tripped over nothing and fell flat on my face outside of the student recreational center while walking back to my apartment with my roommate Laura, age 19 (Laura: "it was like the ground had reached up an invisible arm and yanked you down by the neck")

  • blacked-out and fainted during the Methods of Literary Study final, fell out of my desk, came to about five seconds later to complete chaos in the classroom ("the test was too hard, it killed her!," "call an ambulance!", "get her some Sprite!"), age 20 (all because I'd stayed up too late the night before going to the first Star Wars prequel when it opened at midnight...but I got back in my chair and finished, and I got an A which I was assured was "NOT a sympathy A")

  • down my friend Andy's basement stairs the night of our big Y2K party, age 20

  • off a horse in Red Lodge, Montana, when it suddenly decided to lay down on its back & tried to crush me, age 24


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