Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Police blotter.


Monday, 10:16 A.M.: Report of a wild cat outside that attacked a squirrel and was hissing at people on 8th Street West.

Monday, 8:39 P.M.: Anonymous female requested a gas voucher. Stated she was tired of walking and had a blister on her foot.

Tuesday, 6:54 P.M.: Caller complained of neighbors lighting fireworks, causing a disturbance to her pets.

Wednesday, 10:54 A.M.: Suspicious activity: Caller reported seeing what appeared to be a blue inner tube with a pink top come down out of the sky and land in the bay, near Washburn.

Wednesday, 10:28 P.M.: Report of subject known to caller trying to enter caller's residence, then asking for $2 to buy soda.

Friday, 6:56 A.M.: Report of nude, intoxicated driver.

Friday, 10:22 P.M.: Report of lawn being mowed.

Saturday, 8:08 P.M.: Report of male blowing up grill and when his wife said she was going to call the police he drove away.

Sunday, 6:39 P.M.: A guest at the Bayfield Inn reported there was a male in a coat in the park who was flashing knives and preaching to people. Contacted the mayor who stated that it was a Shakespeare performance sponsored by the city.


Wednesday, July 21, 2010

"Ze plane, ze plane!"


For Father's Day this year, me and my brothers bought our parents tickets to the air show in Duluth (at our mother's insistence). It's something they've talked about going to for years, but they just hadn't gotten around to it yet...of course, it hasn't helped that our only encounter with the air show was an incredibly unpleasant trip to the airport during the years I lived in Montana, when I inadvertently scheduled a flight out of Duluth on the day the air show started. BIG MISTAKE. Traffic was backed-up and at a standstill from the airport down to the intersection of Mesaba and Central Entrance. It was a nightmare and we only managed to make it to the airport on time because (A.) I'd lived in Duluth and knew how to get to some back streets, and (B.) I encouraged my father to drive through a couple of ditches.

But I digress.

The air show was fun on the whole, and my parents really enjoyed it. Their sound system was pretty terrible, though, so we couldn't hear most of the narration happening throughout the acts. I think we missed a lot because of that. Also, there seemed to be some incredibly long lulls between flights at times; partly, this appeared to be due to them having to let regular air traffic through (flights from Minneapolis/Detroit/etc.), but since we couldn't hear the loudspeakers most of the time (except during the commercial breaks...we heard all of the local casinos' ads loud & clear, oddly enough) it was hard to know what was going on.

One of the show's highlights was a re-enactment of the bombing of Pearl Harbor.

The Pearl Harbor re-enactment. Let's just say there were a lot of South Park "Chinpokomon" references being made amongst my group.

Almost too much awesomeness for one picture.

Which led to me and the boys quoting this episode of South Park about eight hundred times.



The other high point was watching the Thunderbirds zoom around.

The Thunderbirds!

Thunderbirds! Zoom!

We killed some time at the museum 'round back after the show finished, to wait for the traffic rush to die down...

Museum.

And that worked like a charm. It was a hell of a lot easier to find our cars, anyway.

There are benefits to being the last ones out...

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

"You'll know it when you see it."


I love the 4th of July in Ashland - it's the liveliest day of the year in this town, and the parade & fireworks never fail to entertain.

Unfortunately, the parade has some pacing issues. Namely, the five block gaps between floats.

A classic scene from the 4th of July parade in Ashland.

Sitting down in the east end this year, I suddenly realized hey, that's why they have so many bars on that side of town - they have to have
something to do while they wait for parades to go by.

Some of the floats were really imaginative.

Patriotism, in balloon form.

Some were not.

Um...I think you forgot something.

And some had just run out of steam by the time they got to the end of the parade route.

Is everybody having a good time?

Buck up, kids. It's almost over. And if you move fast, you can run back along the parade route and do this:

Hosing down the crowd.

"You get to drink from...THE FIRE HOSE!!!"

"You get to drink out of...THE FIRE HOSE!"

The fireworks were pretty awesome, too, particularly because we wound up sitting next to a bunch of little kids who were oscillating wildly between being ecstatic about the fireworks, and claiming to be terrified of them. "AHHH! Fireworks are CREEPY!" "Dude, I want to marry fireworks."

Zzzzoom!

The best part was waiting for the grand finale. "Is this it? Is
this it?" No...wait for it. Just wait. You'll know it when you see it.

Grand finale.

See? That's it.


Thursday, July 15, 2010

Now that's just lazy.


Take a good look at this pony...

"My Little Pony at the County Fair."

...or actually, don't bother, because they just used the same picture over & over throughout the entire book.

Oh, a day at the fair. What fun.

Huh, that looks familiar. Did the pony get Botox?
Has it been stuffed like Roy Rogers' horse, or what? Wow, that's a whole lotta tracing.

They managed to make it as hard and plastic as an actual My Little Pony. I guess that's impressive, in a way.


Sunday, July 11, 2010

"It boils down to Chuck punching rednecks."


I'd like to take a moment to thank the Independent Film Channel for clearing space in its busy schedule for Breaker! Breaker! yesterday afternoon.



The years have not been kind to the trucker movies of the 1970s, have they?



I'd also like to thank my fellow Netflix subscribers for their thoughtful and erudite reviews of this cinematic masterpiece:

"Norris played a very well-known trucker with tons of friends in the industry."

"It boils down to Chuck punching rednecks."

"This may be the worst non-porn movie I have ever seen."

"The movie does contain the most painful shot to the nads I have ever seen, plus a final fight between Chuck and the Deputy, which is oddly juxtaposed with shots of a horse. Don't ask."

"Chuck Norris is unrecognizable without his signature beard."

"The only character I had any sympathy for was the horse who appeared embarrassed to be involved with the project. Then, even he started acting poorly."

"Chuck plays his usual character, a tough but humble man who will, if he has to, kick you in the solar plexus to make his point."

"This movie was extremely gay."

"Be aware that there are several shots of women with cleavage showing or very low open shirts, and a short scene with Chuck in bed with a topless woman (though its questionable whether anything shows per se)."

"To top it all off, they kill off the retarded guy."

"This is the worst Chuck Norris movie I've ever seen in my life."

"Will remind some of the good ol' days."



Saturday, July 10, 2010

Police blotter.


Friday, 4:52 P.M.: Report of two people floating on two air mattresses by the breakwall. Caller thought they shouldn’t be out that far.

Friday, 5:10 P.M.: Report of male in hospital gown changing a tire. Caller was disturbed because man was naked under gown and the wind was blowing.

Friday, 7:48 P.M.: Request for help in locating car which was lost in the woods somewhere.

Friday, 10:20 P.M.: Report of smell of pot being smoked.

Saturday, 11:01 P.M.: Report of movie lent to person not being returned. Update: Property was returned to owner.

Sunday, 12:04 P.M.: Caller reported his neighbor’s llamas were on his property causing havoc with his animals.