Sunday, July 11, 2010

"It boils down to Chuck punching rednecks."

I'd like to take a moment to thank the Independent Film Channel for clearing space in its busy schedule for Breaker! Breaker! yesterday afternoon.

The years have not been kind to the trucker movies of the 1970s, have they?

I'd also like to thank my fellow Netflix subscribers for their thoughtful and erudite reviews of this cinematic masterpiece:

"Norris played a very well-known trucker with tons of friends in the industry."

"It boils down to Chuck punching rednecks."

"This may be the worst non-porn movie I have ever seen."

"The movie does contain the most painful shot to the nads I have ever seen, plus a final fight between Chuck and the Deputy, which is oddly juxtaposed with shots of a horse. Don't ask."

"Chuck Norris is unrecognizable without his signature beard."

"The only character I had any sympathy for was the horse who appeared embarrassed to be involved with the project. Then, even he started acting poorly."

"Chuck plays his usual character, a tough but humble man who will, if he has to, kick you in the solar plexus to make his point."

"This movie was extremely gay."

"Be aware that there are several shots of women with cleavage showing or very low open shirts, and a short scene with Chuck in bed with a topless woman (though its questionable whether anything shows per se)."

"To top it all off, they kill off the retarded guy."

"This is the worst Chuck Norris movie I've ever seen in my life."

"Will remind some of the good ol' days."


CitizenBen said...

The only real movie to watch starring Chuck is Silent Rage. It's a flick where Chuck plays Chuck and fights an unstoppable serial murderer.

Mary said...

I'll have to add that to my list. haha

Seriously, Ben, if you haven't seen Breaker! Breaker!, check it out sometime--I think it'd be right up your alley. We laughed our butts off.

CitizenBen said...

I will have to add it to my Chuck Norris Movie-A-Thon list. I also recommend Bruce Lee's The China Connection (I think), where he fights Chuck & RIPS HIS CHEST HAIR OUT!