Wednesday, November 28, 2007

First ice on the bay today.

Ice forming on the bay.

Out pretty far, considering the bulk of it formed overnight...

If I might make a few suggestions:

1. If you're pulling up to the drive-thru lanes at the bank, maybe instead of trying to shove a year's worth of deposit slips and checks into the little pneumatic tube carrier all at once in such a jumbled state that the poor teller inside has to spend ten minutes trying to sort out that malarkey with you on the squawkbox you should park your damn car and walk yer butt inside the bank. And no lollypop for you.

2. When it snows, clean off your car's rear window so when you're trying (and mostly failing) to parallel park on Main Street and come within about a centimeter of backing into my parked car you can clearly see me flipping you the bird.

3. An inch of snow is not, I repeat, NOT the end of the world. Stop driving like a bunch of nincompoops, everybody, you're making us look like those southerners who cancel school when they see a snowflake.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Attack of the Crappy Myspace Ads, Pt. 2.

Is John McCain gunning to be the new John "Who Farted?" Black on Days of Our Lives or is he just mad at those damn neighbor kids for getting their frisbee stuck on his roof again?

Hasn't he ever seen
One Crazy Summer? Doesn't he know that if someone slaps him on the back, his face'll stay that way, forever???

this is the best picture they could find of him?)

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Monday, November 19, 2007

Irrefutable proof that I possess psychic powers.

Scene: My room, as my clock radio & I sprang to life at 7:15 A.M. this morning.

"Billy Mack is a detective down in Texas..."
Oh, god.
"You know he knows just exactly what the facts is..."
I really can't deal with the Steve Miller Band at this hour, I really can't.
"He ain't gonna let those two escape justice..."
I don't care if he is from Wisconsin--
"He makes his livin off of the people's taxes..."
--this song reads like some terrible movie pitch and I wish it would STOP RIGHT NOW.
"Bobbie Sue, whoa, whoa--Bobbie Sue, whoa, whoa--Bobbie Sue, whoa, whoa--Bobbie Sue, whoa, whoa--Bobbie Sue, whoa, whoa--"
"Uncle Al" (the DJ):
Heh-heh-heh, looks like we got a skipper there!
*awed silence*

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

No, I am most certainly NOT going to go your way.

No thanks, I think I'll walk instead.
I keep seeing this ad when I'm logging into my Myspace account, and every time my heart flutters for but an instant, thinking Wesley Willis has somehow, through miracles untold, come back from beyond the grave. But alas, after that instant passes, it occurs to me that it doesn't say "Get on the City Bus!" or "Freak Out Hell Bus," and then my heart grows sad with the realization that surely this bus is but a pale imitation of the "Harmony Joy Bus Ride" I came to know and love in the late 20th century.

Then I see that it's associated with Lenny Kravitz, and then I want to vomit.

Although when I think about it, there are some vague similarities between Lenny Kravitz and dearly departed Wesley:

1. Wesley's songs all sound the same. So do Lenny's. But his suck. (Wesley=1, Lenny=0.)

2. Both talk about "getting on the bus," although it should be noted that Wesley was referring to the city bus, whereas stupid Lenny Kravitz is referring to his own private bus, because Lenny is a bourgeois pig and Wesley was a man of the people. (Wesley=2, Lenny=0.)

3. Lenny Kravitz had a song on the soundtrack to the abomination that was Austin Powers 2: The Spy Who Shagged Me. Wesley Willis had a song on the DVD of the infinitely funnier Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law. (Wesley=3, Lenny=big ol' goose egg.)

4. That song Wesley posthumously contributed to the Harvey Birdman DVDs? "Birdman Kicked My Ass." (Wesley=4, Lenny=0 x infinity.)

5. Wesley gave people head-butts of affection. Lenny Kravitz probably gives people VD. (Wesley=5, Lenny=even more irritating than the lead singer from Maroon 5.)

Lenny my boy, you ain't fit to lick Wesley's boots. Or his Casio. Be gone and sully my Myspace no more!!!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

For the freedom lover who has everything, except wind, and possibly arms.

Spotted at Wal-Mart in Ashland last week:
God bless America.

"The World's First Self Waving Flag."

Friday, November 09, 2007

Trouble on the horizon...

Ashland's horizon, that is. As in, the actual horizon, depending on your vantage point in town, I guess...

CN rejects Ashland's Oredock proposal (Daily Press, 11.9.2007)

"The City of Ashland could be saying 'so long' to the former Soo Line Oredock, after Canadian National rejected its offer for re-use of the century-old structure in a letter sent to the city Wednesday.

'While the city's plan for the dock is interesting, ambitious and expensive, it is irrelevant' to any negotiations between the two sides, Paul Ladue, CN's region director for contracts and administration, said in his letter to City Administrator Brian Knapp.

With both CN and the city claiming that the other's proposal is unrealistic, it is looking more likely that the dock could be razed down to the lakebed. That is, unless CN is willing to tear down the structure to its concrete base and leave that behind, without any redevelopment, for use by city residents as a fishing pier or otherwise."

..."Ladue said between now and a deadline of Nov. 30, discussions over next steps should focus solely on whether the dock remains standing, and not with any future use.

'I can't emphasize enough that any discussion we have between now and Nov. 30 needs to focus on whether or not the City wants to save the dock from removal,' Ladue said in the letter. 'Any discussion about what the City plans to do with the dock after acquiring it, from our viewpoint, will only be a distraction from the central issue.'

If the city can't afford the structure 'as-is,' or even with safety improvements, and CN is unwilling to discuss redevelopment of the dock, where does that leave the dock?"

Monday, November 05, 2007

Thursday, November 01, 2007

What was I thinking? (Pt. 2)

I named this cat "Brittany Cinnamon Penelope."

I named this cat Brittany Cinnamon Penelope Asbach.

I wish I was kidding.

(And, I apparently also decided to cut my own bangs.)