For as long as I can remember, my favorite part of my hometown's newspaper, the Daily Press, has been the abridged police report they run on Page Two ("Your World in 5 Minutes"). Words cannot describe the wonders that I've beheld in that simple column of text...reports of kittens found in mailboxes, pies being stolen from windowsills, "ugly" motorcycles making too much noise...truly, more than anything else in the paper, that little 3x5 patch of newsprint captures the very Twin-Peaks-meets-Mayberry essence of this place.
Since I'm once again able to enjoy it on a daily basis (why they don't publish that part of the paper online, I'll never understand), I thought I'd start gathering up some of my favorites once a week and posting them on here. Whether you're from here, or you only wish you were, please enjoy a little slice of what we like to call..."The Northland."
Monday, 3:16 PM: Report of someone stealing caller's aluminum cans from out front of his house in Washburn.
Wednesday, 7:56 PM: Report of two males throwing ice balls at caller's son.
Wednesday, 8:57 PM: Caller reported neighbor's dog is always barking.
Wednesday, 11:26 PM: Report of a suspicious blinking light on vehicle.
Friday, 3:30 PM: Report of someone giving the caller an obscene gesture and then coming after the caller with a plow truck.