Friday, January 20, 2006

A man with a plan...for Minnesota.

Vampire seeks Minnesota governor's job

MINNEAPOLIS (Reuters) - Minnesota voters, who eight years ago elected a former professional wrestler as their governor, may find a self-proclaimed vampire on the ballot for the office this year.

"Politics is a cut-throat business," said Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey, who said he plans to announce his bid for governor on Friday on the ticket of the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party.

"I'm a Satanist who doesn't hate Jesus," Sharkey told Reuters. "I just hate God the Father."

However, he claims to respect all religions and if elected, will post "everything from the Ten Commandments to the Wicca Reed" in government buildings.

Sharkey also pledged to execute convicted murders and child molesters personally by impaling them on a wooden pole outside the state capitol.

Sharkey told the Minneapolis Star Tribune that he's a vampire "just like you see in the movies and TV."

"I sink my fangs into the neck of my donor ... and drink their blood," he said, adding that his donor is his wife, Julie.

Sharkey said he planned to announce his candidacy on Friday -- the 13th -- because that was "my lucky number."
------------------------------------------------------
If you'd like to learn more about Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey's "New Deal," and c'mon, you know that you do, then check this out.

Fun facts:
1. He, like Jesse Ventura, has been a professional wrestler.
2. He has a NASCAR racing license.
3. He plans on running for President in 2008.
4. He has sections on his website detailing his agenda, his political ideals, and impalement.

2 comments:

Brie the flea said...

do you think he knows his "cape" is supposed to be a wall hanging?

Mary said...

It totally looks like one of those that they sold at Rockin' Rudy's in Missoula, don't you think? ;+)