Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Greatest news story ever.


Man Kills Buck With Bare Hands in Bedroom

Wed Nov 2, 6:21 PM ET

BENTONVILLE, Ark. - For 40 exhausting minutes, Wayne Goldsberry battled a buck with his bare hands in his daughter's bedroom.


Goldsberry finally subdued the five-point whitetail deer that crashed through a bedroom window at his daughter's home Friday. When it was over, blood splattered the walls and the deer lay dead on the bedroom floor, its neck broken.

Goldsberry was at his daughter's home when he heard glass breaking. He went back to check on the noise and found the deer.

"I was standing about like this peeking around the corner when the deer came out of the bedroom," said Goldsberry. The deer ran down the hall and into the master bedroom — "jumping back and forth across the bed."

Goldsberry, about 6-feet-1 and 200 pounds, entered the bedroom to confront the deer and, after a brief struggle, emerged to tell his wife to call police. After returning to the bedroom, the fight continued. Goldsberry finally was able to grip the animal and twist its neck, killing it.

Goldsberry, sore from the struggle, dragged the dead animal out of the house.

"He got kicked several times. He was walking bowlegged for a while," Deputy Doug Gay said.

At this time of year, a buck that sees its reflection in a window often charges, believing it is fighting off a rival, Gay said.

Goldsberry had the deer butchered.

"He's in the freezer," the man said before walking to the kitchen and showing off pounds of freshly wrapped venison.
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What I love most about that story is that you could exchange Bentonville, Arkansas with pretty much any other location here in the Midwest, and the story would sound just as plausible. And let's face it, with a lot of stories that come out of Arkansas, that ain't always the case.

If this doesn't end up re-enacted on FOX's When Animals Attack! or spoofed on Family Guy, I'm going to be so disappointed.

(They're just lucky it wasn't one o' dem turdy point bucks...)

(Re: the Turdy Point Buck--it's a regional favorite on the radio around here during deer season by a band called Bananas At Large, not to be confused with Da Yoopers even though to be honest, it's hard for even the locals to tell the difference sometimes.)


2 comments:

LC said...

Good lord. He killed Bambo!

Am I the only one that thinks that's really wrong? Man.

You know, my old roommate here in L.A.'s former roommate had this Hellcat, a 20 lb (I put it in a bag and weighed it) thing we ended up catsitting for about 8 weeks while the girl was in Peru -- it was totally evil, and I was totally allergic to it (the reason for the bag). That damn thing once took an actual chunk of skin out of my leg, and though I had fantasies of killing it, I don't think I could ever actually do it.

I actually disagree with you slightly, though -- I think Minnesotans or Wisconsinians (no wonder they call you guys 'Sconnies!) are too nice and generally not quite strange enough to pull shit like that. They'd probably let the deer destroy the house before they'd kill it with their bare hands.

maria said...

that story makes me want to vomit. or weep. we ought to give deer self-defense training...