Tuesday, September 09, 2014
They'll never stop.
Monday, September 01, 2014
Sunday, 9:43 A.M.: Caller reports male passed out on a park bench at the “music dome” (aka the band shell). Unable to rouse. Update: officer spoke with subject, who'd had a night on the town and was sleeping it off.
Monday, 9:35 P.M.: Caller said “he seen a male and female fighting in the middle of the street.” Only other info he could provide was that one was wearing a skirt.
Tuesday, 4:18 P.M.: 911 open air call, could hear a female talking loudly about celery and apples.
Tuesday, 5:58 P.M.: Caller states that yesterday, her neighbor hit some skunks with a tiller. He placed the skunks in a bucket and left the bucket in the backyard.
Wednesday, 8:15 P.M.: Caller wishes to speak with an officer, requests they meet her at McDonald’s; she’ll be “the one in the Batman shirt and capris.”
Thursday, 9:15 P.M.: Caller’s ex-wife is inviting him to play games on Facebook. Has a valid restraining order against her. Officer advised caller to either block his ex-wife on Facebook, or to get rid of his account. Caller refuses to do either.
Friday, 1:04 P.M.: Report of a break-in; caller noticed about forty CDs and a live chicken are missing.
Saturday, 12:07 P.M.: Caller reports that a residence in his neighborhood is having a yard sale, and people are parking on the wrong side of the street.
Saturday, 1:01 P.M.: Caller stated that while she was out cleaning around some dumpsters, she found a large black duffel bag and is afraid to open it because she doesn’t know what could be in it, “possibly a body.” Update: officers opened the bag and found men’s underwear and socks. Update: bag’s owner located, male stated he had argued with his girlfriend and when he left the residence, he’d stashed his belongings by the dumpsters.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
More, more, more.
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
This has actually been making me happy for a while, but I've been a bad blogger lately so I'm just finally catching up.
Please, please, check out @_FloridaMan. A sample of recent headlines:
Florida Man Goes on Breast Pump Robbing Spree
Florida Man Squawks, Claims He’s a Pterodactyl as Police Chase Him Through Legoland
Florida Man Breaks Into School While High, Steals Fruit Loops
Florida Man Caught Stealing Alcohol With Dog; Says He'd Just Broken Dog Out of "Jail"
Argument Over Women's Rights Ends With Florida Man Punching Rabbit
Florida Man Verbally Abuses Walmart Employees While Riding Around Store on Scooter
Florida Man Loses Job as Deputy After He Lets Drunk Friend Heckle Women Through Patrol Car's Loud Speaker
As the result of many twists of fate, and by the powers vested in me by the State of Wisconsin (and the internet), on June 10th I officiated the first (and only) LEGAL(!) same-sex wedding in the history of Ashland County. I don't know if you can technically call it a shotgun wedding, given that neither of them was pregnant (and the fact that they'd been together for almost ten years), but it certainly was a wonderful whirlwind of a day. David, Teege & Logan were already a family, but to know that they're now on the road to having all the rights & privileges that so many others take for granted is amazing. I was humbled to be a part of it. (Also, I got to make a Melrose Place reference during the ceremony, which made it all the more timeless and elegant.)
Saturday, July 05, 2014
Sunday: Caller reported that he and his wife were in a store and their three children were left in the car. The children reported that they saw a man go onto their boat and he was there for a while. Update: officers discovered that the subject had used the boat as his personal bathroom.
Monday: Caller reported a large group of campers having a very loud party. Update: officer spoke with the campers who stated they were playing the mandolin earlier but were not being loud.
Tuesday, 1:20 P.M.: Caller is upset because the TV next door is louder than hers and she can't hear her own TV.
Friday, 12:18 A.M.: Caller reports observing a male known to him stealing his property; stated he was staking out his prior residence after being served an eviction notice to ensure none of his belongings were taken. Observed a male remove a garden gnome that is a family heirloom. Caller stated he confronted the subject about the issue and stated subject “acted the fool” and left the area.
Saturday, 10:27 A.M.: Caller complains that a male who sounds "Mexicanly" keeps calling, asking what the employees are wearing.
Sunday, June 08, 2014
Monday, 10:58 A.M.: Neighhorhood cat is eating birds from the bird feeder.
Tuesday, 11:47 A.M.: Caller wants to talk to an officer about a kid, 16-17 years of age with “a curly head of hair,” who made a hand signal shaped like a gun and pulled the “trigger” while making “pow-pow” verbal sound effects.
Thursday, 12:05 A.M.: Call from a highly intoxicated female saying that someone was trying to bring a gas can into the bar and she wanted an officer to come and address this problem. Update: bartender said there wasn't a problem and that the caller was actually the one who brought in the gas can.
Friday, 4:54 P.M.: Caller requests to know what her son's probation conditions are since "he's in a house with a bunch of assholes."
Saturday, 2:07 A.M.: Daily Press employee states that his coworker's vehicle is covered in shaving cream.
Sunday, 11:08 P.M.: Call from bicyclist reporting a group of people running strips of Saran Wrap across the road from pole to pole/tree to tree. Update: no people located, but Saran Wrap was taken down.
Tuesday, June 03, 2014