Wednesday, April 09, 2014

Thursday, April 03, 2014

Happy Birthday. Love, Mother Nature.



Apparently, Mother Nature heard I was turning 35 today and decided she'd attempt to give me the equivalent amount in snow.


Monday, March 31, 2014

What else is making me happy this week.


My tremendous friend (and almost-birthday-twin) Regina is shaving her head on Friday...for charity!  She's helping St. Baldrick's raise money for childhood cancer research.

If you've got a few bucks to throw her way, I'm sure she'd appreciate it.

P.S.  She is going to ROCK that haircut.



What's making me happy this week.


I love you, Billy on the Street.  I'm so glad you're back.




Salty.


We've discussed my mother's Letters of Complaint in the past.  Well, she's at it again.

Recently, while enjoying a bag of kettle chips, she came upon a large nugget of salt in the bag.  (“Large” as in roughly-the-size-of-a-human-thumb.)  This displeased her greatly…though not enough to get her to stop eating the rest of the chips in the bag.   She carefully preserved the salt nugget, wrapped it in bubble wrap, enclosed it in a bubble mailer along with her letter of complaint, and sent it off.


Fast-forward: one night, she handed me the attached, then proudly displayed the three coupons for free bags of chips that were also enclosed.  (“Each up to a retail value of $4.29!  That’s almost thirteen bucks!!”)


Two things that caught my eye:

1.  She has written so many letters of complaint to the chip company in question over the years that she's started forging them in the names of my brothers and using their addresses, so as not to draw scrutiny to her schemes.

2.  The P.S. about how salt works is a little passive aggressive.


Police blotter.


Tuesday, 2:29 A.M.: Two open-line 911 calls received. Dispatch called the number, and female said she didn't have any minutes and hung up. Called back a second time, irate female said she didn't have any minutes to talk and to just send an officer. When asked what the emergency was, female cursed at dispatcher and hung up again.

Wednesday, 11:53 A.M.: Tow truck driver advised male is outside of a tan Buick by the east end vet clinic "flapping his arms like a bird." Not sure what the problem is.

Thursday, 6:15 P.M.: Caller reported that someone broke into his garage this morning. A vehicle drove in his driveway and took a can full of cigarette butts. Nothing else was missing or removed.

Friday, 1:42 P.M.: Church volunteer reported garbage dumped in their "Cans for Kids" bin.


Friday:  911 call stating that caller's girlfriend was throwing cans at him.

Saturday, 12:14 P.M.: Caller wants to speak with an officer about her grandma running into the garage with her car.


Friday, March 28, 2014

What's making me happy this week.


"Loves children, loves food, respirator mask does not come off."



Sunday, March 23, 2014

#MoreHashtags.



The well keeps flowing.


#RatBiteFever
#GrimSleeper
#PotAndTots
#VampireFaceLift
#SextAndSex
#StabbedAtAltar
#PaperFood
#NakedJailBrawl
#Sextortion
#PervyGranny
#DaycareHorror
#PotheadPrincess
#RealtorPorn
#MansionMurder
#DanceMomBrawl
#BilledForSex
#LSDSteak
#PotBust
#BurgerKingBaby
#MomInTrunk
#TotsAndGuns
#SexSting
#MauledToDeath
#CagedGirl
#BabySnatcher
#KillerNun
#HammerDeath
#MomHasAGun
#KillerPreacher
#RealLifeDexter
#PhilSpector
#Outrage


Sunday, March 16, 2014

Police blotter.


Wednesday:  Caller stated he saw an eight-to-nine-foot-tall male covered in hair walking along the side of Highway 63 northbound toward Ashland.  Update: officer reported no Sasquatch or anything resembling one was located.


Friday, March 14, 2014

What's making me happy this week.


This made me laugh 'til it hurt.

 
Most particularly, these: